Marriage/ Family

We were married young. Bailie is five years Kaleda’s senior which accounted for quite a bit of exploration of relationships that he had experienced before they moved in together when she turned eighteen. We got hitched before we were both fully developed adults still trying to lock down who we were as individuals scraping against the expectations of the broader culture. Before Kaleda tuned 21, we were pregnant with our first child. Becoming parents is a great reality check, but also suppresses the journey of self discovery.

Sex in our early marriage was cliché. He wanted it more, she less. He wanted to focus on personal ambition, she wanted to focus on security and stability for their relationship and the family. Jokes and anecdotes from wedding toasts, prenuptial classes through churches, peer advice and Hollywood examples are poor preparation for the daily grind of marriage. We fall into parodies of the models we were raised with. Those models gel or conflict in numerous ways. The use of marriage for us is important, it is qualitatively different than the more en vogue term ‘partnership’. We only point this out to say that we have noticed different patterns in friends that choose one status over the other.

The hormonal change that Kaleda went through upon becoming pregnant impacted her mood, perception, and outlook on life. She observed less anxiety, a steady disposition, and positive view of her life and the future.